he thought i was a dude.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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