I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
