I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
