I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
