Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
