The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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