My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
