does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
