Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
