i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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