my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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