oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Randomize
