What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
