Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
