Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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