Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
