That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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