i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
This house was built for laser tag.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
