If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
