Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
