Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh god it's open bar.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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