You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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