The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
