Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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