And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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