Don't you send me to vm
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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