Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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