Buhtt sex?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize