I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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