She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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