I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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