quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
