I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
