i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
