I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i think my cat just said my name.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
