Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
