Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
