dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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