Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
