He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
