i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
