drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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