dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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