I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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