Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Randomize