You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
