apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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