its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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