Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
