I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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