The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
