what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
