Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
