i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
