So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
