I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
