from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize