WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
