Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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