Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
