Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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