Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
