I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
