Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
