so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
