I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
