Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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