he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
