speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
honey bunches of taint.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
